While grief is normal and natural, most of the information passed on within our society about dealing with grief is not normal, natural, or helpful. Grief is the emotional response to loss, but most of the information we have learned about dealing with loss is intellectual. This can leave an individual feeling conflicted because they are unable to reconcile the intellectual "facts" about a loss event with the overwhelming flood of "irrational" thoughts & feelings they are experiencing. A never-ending battle between the head & the heart.
The majority of incorrect ideas about dealing with loss can best be summed up in six myths or beliefs which are so common that nearly everyone recognizes them. They have become incorrectly integrated and perpetuated within our culture, and most people have never questioned their validity. Most of us have been influenced by these myths either through direct advice or by watching how those around us have handled loss. Often reduced to a simple cliche', when used to communicate with a griever, these myths can have powerfully debilitating results. This misinformation is best described in the following:
Six Myths/Beliefs
v Time Heals All Wounds
v Don’t Feel Bad
v Replace the Loss
v Keep Busy
v Grieve Alone
v Be Strong
Just looking at the myth that “time heals” creates the idea that a person just has to wait and they will feel better. We have known people who waited 10, 20, 30 and 40 years, and still didn’t feel better. And, we know that they would tell you that not only had time not healed them, but that it compounded the pain. The other five myths carry equally unhelpful messages.
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